I took the test, placed in on the floor, turned on the shower and went to the closet to pull my outfits. A minute later I walked back into the bathroom. The test lay on the floor about 10 feet away. I couldn’t read it clearly but I knew for certain that I was only seeing one word in the result window. It was not two words. It was not “NOT.” It was one long word. It read “PREGNANT.”
From the moment I conceived my son, Jack, I had the absolute best support system. My mom, dad, brother, sister, aunts, uncles, cousins and grandmother bent over backwards to assist, encourage and love me though my pregnancy, and even more so once Jack arrived. No, I didn’t forget my husband, Eric! I saved the best for last…In addition to family, my husband is my safest place and always puts me first (and I, him!). We love and respect each other first and foremost. We have a great line of communication and work every day to better understand and uplift one another. I am lucky to have friends in every stage of life that were there for me day or night. Despite all of it, something was off.
I tried every day to convince myself I had no business feeling down. “What nerve you must have to have a problem. GET OVER IT.” That was my self-talk. I don’t care how much emotional, financial, physical, mental, spiritual support you have, WHEN YOU GIVE BIRTH TO A CHILD, YOU NEED MORE. As someone who was engulfed by helping hands and open hearts, I needed more. This is the best kept worst secret of early motherhood.
"You’re Selfish. Crazy. Weak. Lazy. Unattractive. Overweight. Needy. Not Enough. Absent wife. A bad mother."
These are the things I told myself. I tried to shake it, snap myself out of it. Who wants to admit this? You just created life! You should be so proud of yourself! You have this child to care for! Sure…but my brain and hormones were also waging all out war. And also I couldn’t sit down properly.
A few months into this momming thing, I couldn’t ignore what I saw as a huge void. I felt like, regardless of the resources (or the gross lack thereof) at a mother’s fingertips, there needed to be a meeting place, a townhall, a common ground. A place where any mommy: a young, seasoned, tired, excited, lost, inquisitive, adoptive, stand-in, soon-to-be, or hopeful mommy could come to find solace, growth, grace, help, love, hype and understanding. To say I’m excited to bring you this podcast is an understatement.
A little about how I got here… Eric and I met in 2015 when I was working as a morning traffic gal and MLS pregame/postgame host in Kansas City. That same year we acquired our cat, Phil, and Eric (along with his teammates who are family) won the World Series! It was a pretty fun start to our relationship! The next few years we were long distance as I moved to Boston to anchor at New England Sports Network. Boston will forever be a special place in my heart – it’s where I met some of my very best friends and really carved out the woman I wanted to be… (a few years later I would return to have my son at BWH when Eric was traded to the Red Sox.) Eric and I were married on New Year's Eve of 2021... at the height of COVID... but it was a 3 night spectacular we'll never forget! At that point Jack had been waiting nearly six years to make his appearance earthside so he wasted no time after we said “I do.” For nearly four years I've been a host for Fox Nation and could not be more grateful or humbled to work with such remarkable people. My work has consisted of touring mansions, chasing monsters and digging into conspiracies… And now a podcast!
And an aside P.S. to Karen & Co.: As a mommy for mere months, I know enough to know I don’t know enough. That’s why we’re having people smarter than us in every field and walk of life on the pod. We’re learning right along with our listeners so buckle up, buttercup or block me babe. XO